…rstand the treatment is permanent?” “What if no one wants to date you because you’ve been treated?” “What if I like you as you are right now, in pain?” “Are you just trying to escape your old life? Are you bored?” “Are you sure it’s not just a kink?”
So yes, those first questions kind of suck. But the ones I highlighted are so valid that even gender therapists ask them. And it is extremely true in my experience that some people claim to be trans for other reasons than actually being trans. I can’t have been so lucky as to know personally the only two people in the world like this. One claimed to be trans because they were the sensitive guy in a hypermasculine family, and used this as an excuse to emotionally abuse three women and disown the children he had by them. The other was a likewise sensitive soul traumatized by abuse from a woman who used it to exploit and con the people who tried to support him. Exploring why we think we may be trans is important. I can see where these questions can be used to be unsupportive, but that doesn’t make them inherently bad. The assumption that “I like you as you are, in pain" is also… assumptive. The father I mentioned couldn’t accept that people like him as he was because his family, school peers and other social supports had flat out told him they didn’t like him as he was. And I can see from knowing this person that gender non-conforming cis-sexed people can easily be persuaded that their nonconformity is a result of being trans when faced with such animosity over being cis. It’s not wrong to explore if one’s pain is from a source other than being trans. It’s an important to explore this because sometimes we think the source of our pain is one thing when it’s actually another. Since I figured out I was trans a couple years ago, it didn’t eliminate my pain but it did eliminate dysphoria as the source of it.
So far, though, this is one of the better writings on how it feels to be trans, although not being cis I don’t know if a cis person would understand. I hope so, and that this piece helps cis people ask their trans loved ones the right questions they need to with support and sensitivity rather than absolute denial or disbelief.